That One Obligatory Christmas Fic
by Tooti Fruity
Summary: In which Kenny, arguably the most magical of the main boys, tries to pull off a regular Christmas miracle for Karen.


**AN: Obviously, I don't own South Park. That would make no sense.** **Review if you enjoyed the fic!**

* * *

Being poor had its benefits.

This isn't a fact that most people are aware of, but sometimes it really did. Sometimes, people liked a cause and you'd get free stuff. Sometimes, it meant that the stress of being ultra-successful, something that was a burden on the rich and middle class, was never an issue. It also meant that people rarely expected anything of you, which made coasting through life a hell of a lot easier. Sometimes, Kenny really didn't mind and was content with being the poorest kid in town.

Other times? It really blew. It really fucking blew. Like right now, to be precise.

Kenny was, currently speaking, standing in line at the food bank, clutching his family's food stamps card in his balled up fist. He was alone, God forbid that his parents not be absolute shit for one second and come with him to get their _fucking Christmas meal_.

Well, perhaps he was being a bit harsh. After all, there were times that it felt like his parents really did try. He could never imagine how it must of felt, being forced into a loveless marriage because you conceived a child with someone you didn't love in high school, being forced to drop out and raise said child and still try and somehow make it work sometimes. However, the keyword there was _sometimes_. His parents only had the decency to hide the fact that their marriage was a sham when they felt it suited them. The rest of the time, they were drinking, smoking, and bitching at each other until the neighbors called the cops. And though it had stopped bothering Kenny a long time ago, he resented them for how much it upset Karen to see them so unhappy.

It was frustrating sometimes, feeling like he was the only one who tried for Karen. Case in point, he was the only person in his family willing to stand outside in the dead of the frigid Colorado winter, freezing his balls off, so Karen could have a half decent Christmas. Kevin was nowhere to be found, probably chain smoking with his deadbeat friends, and he knew for a fact that his mom and dad were passed out on the couch together, lying together in what might have seemed like a poor, dysfunctional caricature of a sweet Hallmark card moment. It must have appeared funny, all the adults in the line with their gaunt faces and sour expressions starkly contrasting the small ten year old in height but not tiredness as they all sullenly waited to cash in their government issued cards for something to call a Christmas dinner, poor as it might be.

Oh, it was his turn.

* * *

Finding a bench in the park, Kenny sat down and surveyed the items he had carefully selected from the bank for dinner, and honestly? He was a little disappointed. Sure, he didn't expect a feast or anything, but what he had was a little underwhelming, even by his own low standards. There had been no dressing, no stuffing, no pie crusts or filling, and certainly no turkey or Christmas hams. All he had managed to find that he could carry home himself were a couple of cans of some generic brand vegetables, a medium sized bag of oven bake rolls, a jug of tea and a bag of instant mash potatoes. It wasn't nearly enough, but it would have to do for now.

Kenny tried to not think about how hard Karen would try to hide her disappointment but ultimately fail and started the tedious walk home. Shivering from the cold, he trudged up the hill to his street, walking for what seemed like forever before finally reaching his street and sliding past the door that sat ajar.

"Where'd you put the cigarettes you stupid whore?!"

"I don't know where the fuck they are you asshole, I didn't touch your goddamn cigarettes!"

Ugh. So his parents were awake. Joy.

Kenny sighed through his hood and sat the groceries on the cracked kitchen bar top. He winced at the volume of their loud voices as he tried not to think about it too much.

"Kenny?" A soft voice inquired from the doorway to the kitchen. "Why are mommy and daddy yelling?" The stone from his expression melted instantly. _Shit._

Kenny turned to face his younger sister as he saw that she had clearly been crying since he had left an hour before. Sliding across the dirty kitchen floor, Kenny knelt down and reached out to take her hand and rub her back.

"(I don't know kiddo. It's best if you leave them alone when they get like this.)" She sniffled, accustomed to listening to his muffled speech.

"But…but I thought…it's Christmas Eve! Families shouldn't fight on Christmas Eve Kenny. Families are supposed to be nice to each other, especially today!" she whispered. Kenny sighed.

"(I know, sissy. Sometimes, people forget what's really important this time of year.)" But she still looked so dejected, so _tired_ , in a way that a girl her age shouldn't, that Kenny decided right then that he couldn't show her the pathetic assemblage of things he had picked up while at the pantry. He'd have to pull off a Christmas miracle for her. Standing back up, Kenny gave her his best impression of a stock greeting card smile and said, "(I'm going to head back out for a little bit, Karen. I still need to pick up your Christmas present from the store. Don't touch the food I got from the pantry yet, I still need to get some more stuff. I'll be back soon, kiddo.)" And with a wink, Kenny prayed a collective prayer to every deity he could think of that Karen wouldn't see through his obvious attempt to hide how stressed he really was at the moment.

She bought it, thank God, and with a final hug, Kenny was out the door.

* * *

The question now was where in hell was Kenny going to get a Christmas dinner and an awesome gift for Karen. Kenny liked to think he knew Karen pretty well, but _man_ , was he BAD at shopping for people. Well, shopping for people as a poor person. Kenny knew exactly what Karen would want, something he could never

afford for her; a real porcelain doll, the kind with the detailed dresses. God, it he had more money, he'd buy ten of them if it only meant she would smile and feel even half as special as Kenny thought she was. But right now, he knew the best he could do was a cheap plastic one from Walmart.

Walking down the semi-frozen street with his head trying to brainstorm ways to solve his current crisis, he didn't notice the pedestrian walking his way, equally distracted until he crashed right into them. With a grunt of pain, Kenny felt his ass hit the hard ice.

"(Aw, dude!)" He shouted, scrambling to his feet. The other person seemed to be groaning in pain as they also clambered to their feet.

"Aw, hamburgers! N-now I'm gonna get grounded real good for getting my coat wet!" Kenny's vision cleared as he recognized the boy before him.

"(Butters, dude, what are you doing out?)" Butters seemed to realize who it was and a smile broke onto his face.

"Kenny! How are you, buddy? I was just taking a walk to clear my head. Boy, do I love my folks, but they can get a little stressed out around the holidays, so I figured I'd give 'em some space!" And despite himself, Kenny started to smile too, because for all his faults, the niceness and sincerity in Butters' expression and voice was contagious.

"(I'm good, man. I was just taking a walk myself. Gotta figure out what to get Karen for Christmas this year.)" Butters nodded, chuckling.

"Boy howdy, girls can be hard to shop for!" he agreed. Kenny gave a soft sigh.

"(Well, I know what she wants actually, but I don't have a means of getting it.)" He explained. And Butters, for all his naivety, knew that this was Kenny's way of saying he couldn't afford what Karen wanted for Christmas this year. Butters gave him a sympathetic smile, before something seemed to dawn on him.

"Hey, Ken, what is it that Karen wants, exactly?" Kenny gave him a wary look.

Years of being dirt poor made him accustomed to accepting handouts, but at this point he wasn't feeling pathetic enough to take one from Butters. But it was hard to be on his guard when Butters looked so genuinely eager to help him, so he sighed and gave in.

"(She's not super picky, but she's wanted a porcelain doll for a while now. I can never find the perfect one, and our parents don't care enough to get it for her.)" Butters looked excited at this.

"W-well, gee Kenny, I was actually looking to get rid of a few of my dolls. My folks recon I'm a little old to keep so many, so I'm donating a few I don't want to Goodwill! There's a couple that are porcelain, if you'd like to take a look!" Kenny hesitated at this. He knew for a fact that the porcelain variety of dolls Butters had were collectables and not something he would easily part with.

"(I don't know dude…are you sure?)" he asked. Butters nodded in earnest.

"Well, yeah, Kenny! I know how much your little sister loves dolls, and frankly I'd feel a lot better knowing for sure that someone who would appreciate them like I do would take them!" Kenny finally broke at this.

"(Okay, man. I'll look at them.)" Butters beamed at him, before he dragged him along to his house.

And that was how Kenny ended up in the room of (arguably) his best friend, looking at dolls, and not feeling even _slightly_ gay. He looked over the twenty or so dolls spread out on Butters bed, perusing each one and trying to find the one that spoke to him the most. They were all lovely, and honestly, he was having a hard time figuring out which one Karen would love above all the others. Butters seemed to notice his distress.

"You can take a couple if you can't decide which she'd like the most. Honestly, take as many as you like. I can't keep the majority of them, and the ones I already decided I like the most are tucked away in my closet." Kenny hesitated, before Butters heaved a heavy sigh and cleared away the majority of them, leaving only six, explaining that Karen would probably like them the most. Kenny took a deep breath before staring intently; trying to decide which one looked the best, before Butters rolled his eyes. "Ken, just take them all." Kenny's eyes widened.

"(Dude, seriously?!)" Butters nodded in conformation. He shook his head in disbelief. "(Are you sure?)" He asked. Butters sighed.

"Of course I am, Ken. Quit bein' a dope! It's Christmas Eve, and I want you to come downstairs with me so we can wrap these up real nice, and then I want you to go straight home, you hear?" Kenny nodded mutely.

Butters seemed to debate himself internally for a moment, before striding over and giving Kenny a hug.

"Merry Christmas, Kenny." And this time, Kenny hugged back.

* * *

After dropping the dolls off at home and putting them somewhere that he knew Karen wouldn't find them, Kenny started to walk along the near empty streets towards Kyle's house. He figured a quick visit wouldn't hurt, since he was in that part of town already wouldn't hurt. Arriving shortly, Kenny knocked twice on the heavy wooden door and waited. Sure enough, Mrs. Broflovski answered the door within seconds. She smiled.

"Well hello, Kenny! It's lovely to see you. Come in, you'll catch your death out in that cold!" Kenny bustled inside. As he wiped his feet on the welcome mat, she called up the stairs, "Kyle, your little friend is here to see you!" He heard his friend's characteristic light footsteps as he rushed down the stairs.

"Hey dude! What are you doing out? It's Christmas Eve!" Kyle asked. Kenny shrugged.

"(Just dropping by, I guess?)" Kyle nodded in agreement.

"Well, it's good to see you." Kenny looked around, suddenly feeling awkward. Maybe he shouldn't have come here after all.

"(I should probably get going, man. Karen's expecting me, and I gotta get home and start cooking dinner.)" Mrs. Broflovski smiled warmly, before asking,

"Well, Kenny, would you like to take home some leftovers?" Kenny felt his face flush. He suddenly felt ashamed of what he came for. Seeming to notice his embarrassment, Kyle shrugged it off as though it wasn't a big deal.

"Yeah, man, you should really take some with you. Our whole extended family was just here, and we still have food left over even though Hanukkah ended over a week ago! Honestly, it's starting to take up room in fridge that we need!" And eventually, Kenny gave in.

And that was how Kenny ended up, arms full of tupperware, carrying home leftovers from Hanukah dinner at Kyle's house.

* * *

There wasn't much left to do now. As soon as Kenny got home, he would need to start preparing Christmas dinner for his family. There were rolls to bake, mash potatoes to prepare, and canned vegetables to pour and microwave. Hopefully he could make it work. If he hurried, he could probably find some kind of premade pie at the store, since he still had the money he made shoveling snow off sidewalks that he didn't have to use on a present, but what to do about a main dish? He still had no glazed ham, which he knew was Karen's favorite.

What to do, what to do?

After dropping off the leftovers he had garnered, he began to make his way to the Walmart on Central. Entering the run down store, he immediately made his way to the frozen foods section and carefully selected a premade chocolate pie. Gazing longingly at expensive hams, he slowly made his way over to the checkout, before he heard a voice calling out to him.

"Kenny!" It called. He turned around to see Stan Marsh approaching. Rushing to meet him, he smiled brightly.

"(Hey dude! What's up?)" Stan chuckled good naturedly.

"Not much, man! My mom and I are just doing some last minute shopping. What about you?" Kenny sighed.

"(I'm just picking up some pie for Christmas dinner and trying to figure out how to shoplift a ham. Nice purse, dude.)" He joked. Stan flipped him off, though with little malice, Kenny chuckling "(Careful, you'll turn into Craig if you do that too much!)"

"Fuck off, McCormick; it's my mom's coupon holder. She's trying to get another shirt for my sister." Kenny laughed, sticking his hands up in an 'I surrender' motion.

"(Fine, man, I was just kidding.)" Something seemed to dawn on Stan as he did this.

"Dude, you mentioned needing a ham? I'm pretty sure my mom has a coupon for that shit in here somewhere." Kenny stared at him.

"(I couldn't, man. That's your mom's shit.)" Stan laughed.

"Seriously, dude? It's not a problem. We already have a ham AND a turkey at home, and I'm pretty sure we won't be buying another anytime soon. And anyways, isn't ham your sister's favorite?" Kenny nodding reluctantly, Stan smugly added, "See? Case in point!" Rustling through the accordion folder, Stan finally withdrew a small clipping of paper. "And look; it expires at the end of the year!

It'd be a shame for it to go to waste." He finished confidently.

Kenny finally gave in.

"(You're literally a saint dude. Karen's gonna be so happy.)" Stan smiled at that.

"I sure hope so, man."

And that was how Kenny ended up carrying home a Christmas ham and a chocolate pie from Walmart, courtesy of Stan.

* * *

It was almost 11:30 when Kenny got home that night, and he felt about ready to pass out. Between all his adventures, he had no qualms about just falling into bed and sleeping for a while. But even that seemed like too much work, so after setting the ham and pie in the fridge, he opted for simply diving into the dirty couch.

But of course someone chose to knock on the door right at that moment.

Groaning into the couch cushion, Kenny dragged himself out of bed, trudging over to the front of the house, and opening the door. What he saw on the other side of the screen door made him do a double take.

It was Craig Tucker, standing with his hands in his pockets, looking awkward and clutching a big cardboard box.

Gawking and hardly believing his eyes, Kenny stuttered out a,

"(Dude?! Do you have any idea how late it is?)" Craig glared at him and flipped him off. Kenny sighed.

"Look, asshole, do you want this tree or not?" Kenny glanced at the big cardboard box behind him. It dwarfed Craig in its height.

"(…you're giving me a tree? Why?)" Craig sighed like the little bitch Kenny knew he was and rolled his eyes.

"My parents bought a new one yesterday, and they were going to throw it out. I took it from the trash because I remembered being over here and you mentioning that your parents didn't have one when I asked why your family weren't being festive assholes like the rest of the goddamn town." Kenny stared at him. Was Craig really that perceptive?

"(Man, I don't need handouts…)" He warned, but Craig cut him off with an annoyed groan.

"Damnit, Kenny, if you don't take this perfectly good fake tree, it's going in the trash. Let me be nice and help you for once. Besides," He paused. "I've sorta been a little asshole this month and I'm worried Santa won't bring me presents if I don't do something really nice to make up for it." Kenny rolled his eyes. So THAT was why Craig brought him a tree.

"(Fine. Get it inside.)" And with that, Craig dragged the box of plastic tree parts into Kenny's shithole of a house, and spent over half an hour setting it up.

* * *

When Kenny finally got into bed, it was nearly 3 am, between all the setting up the tree, and the decorating, and he was honestly so tired that he almost didn't get up when Karen bounded into his room and started jumping up and down on his bed, screaming,

"Kenny, wake up, it's Christmas!" Kenny gave a soft groan, sitting up and running his fingers through his greasy blonde hair and slipping on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt before following Karen down out of his dirty room.

He almost couldn't believe his eyes when he got there.

There, sitting in his living room, was Eric Cartman, looking smug and self-assured, the room around him decorated to a t. All around the three of them were lights, decorations, and on the tree, a plethora of ornaments and the most beautiful star atop it. Kenny gawked at the scene before him as Karen gasped and starting jumping up and down, screaming for the presents under the tree.

"Kenny, look, Santa brought me presents this year!" She cried, rushing to the edge of the tree and picking one up with interest. Cartman gave him the most evil grin, before whispering to the dumbfounded Kenny,

"You're lucky I feel sorry for you, you poor asshole. My mom said Craig's mom said you didn't have Christmas decorations, and I figured I could capitalize on the time of need. Know that I expect you to pay me back in your service for this one, Kinny, simply because I know you're too poor to pay for all this shit." Kenny rolled his eyes. Of COURSE Cartman purposely did something nice JUST to have leverage over him. Cartman gave him a shit eating grin, before sauntering out the door. "Enjoy your pathetic Christmas, trailer trash." He mocked as he slammed the door behind him. Kenny sighed. At least Cartman being an asshole had benefits this time. Kenny looked up at Karen, smiling. He had never seen her so happy.

When Karen opened her dolls, she almost cried at how many there were sitting all around her. She, of course, went through the pomp and circumstance of naming each and every one and brushing their hair with her fingers, hugging them tight.

Kenny felt his heart stop at the sight. He had done it. He had really done it this time.

He had pulled off nothing short of a Christmas miracle.

He had no idea where his parents or Kevin were, and frankly? He didn't really care at this point. All that mattered was how happy Karen was.

There was only one thing left to do now.

Smiling and sweeping up Karen into his arms, he kissed her cheek, winking as he said.

"(Let's get cooking Christmas dinner, baby girl.)" She giggled, climbing onto his back like a fidgety cat.

"To the kitchen, horsey!" And this time, Kenny laughed for real.

He really, truly laughed.

All was well in South Park.

All was well in their little shack, there in their quiet, little, mountain town.


End file.
